The breakdown was brutal.
Hidden in the rubble of what was left was everything I needed.
It was an ambush that felt unjust and cruel.
It couldn’t be stopped, avoided or negotiated.
My body, mind, and emotions have evolved through laborious stages of puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, miscarriage, and motherhood, all under the duress of societal and cultural programming and expectations, in a world that is not designed to understand, appreciate, or applaud women.
By midlife, I was exhausted from delivering on what my life demanded of me and was looking forward to rest and refocusing my attention and energy.
Instead, the rug was pulled out from under me. It felt particularly savage to be left flat on my back, confused, overwhelmed, and bereft of everything I thought I knew about myself.
That’s how it started for me.
Midlife and menopause were brutal beginnings to the next act of my life.
I thought I was losing my mind, and I definitely lost control of my body.
It felt like a full meltdown of my human existence.
I lost my words, my trains of thought, my ability to know what I wanted.
My hair, skin, weight, body composition, and organ functions were all different and unfamiliar to me.
I lost my joy and could only access a deep sadness.
Nothing was meaningful, and everything was somehow wrong.
I didn’t recognize the exhausted and bewildered woman in the mirror looking back at me.
It was a very dark time, psychologically and emotionally.
I crumbled, piece by piece.
Eventually, I cracked deep enough to see something on the other side. Clarity and vision poured into my awareness through that crack.
It showed me something I could reach for, something that felt true, safe, and powerful. Something new I could use to my advantage.
A reason to carry on and be curious about what happens next.
To see what waits for me beyond the current suffering.
To actualize what I had yet to become.
I started to understand that what I was losing was what I no longer needed.
Intentionally falling apart.
Over the last several years, I’ve come to understand that midlife and menopause are the necessary dismantling of my limitations.
The purposeful destruction of an old, restricted identity whose end would make space for the deliberate birth of my unfiltered identity.
It is the falling away of what isn’t mine to caretake anymore.
The release of toxic thinking and beliefs that cheat me of what I am due.
It’s the unveiling of the unlived life, dreams and desires I had been suppressing for years in the service of others’ expectations.
The realization that I didn’t come this far just for this to be all there is.
It simply isn’t satisfying enough; I haven’t yet reached my peak.
I have more to express and do with this one precious life.
If I have to fall apart to come back as more of myself, it’s worth it.
I want and deserve more and better.
I see midlife and the menopausal journey as an open door to claiming more and better for myself.
Yes, this stage of life feels like a hot mess.
Like being in the middle of the dusty, noisy demolition stage of a home renovation, everything is in shambles, with debris scattered everywhere.
Knowing that the demolition phase of a renovation is necessary but not the endpoint is what keeps me moving forward.
The endpoint is the rebuild; it’s where my vision for more and better comes to life.
The rebuild is what makes the inconveniences, the effort, the expense, and the hundreds of hours fine-tuning my vision for what I want worth it.
And let’s be clear, if I’m going through a reno, I want it exactly right for me.
What I’ve come to realize through my own experience is that midlife and menopause are omnipotent transitions in a woman’s life.
It’s the exact time to set myself free and declare what I want now and in the future.
It’s when I have zero energy and patience for anything that overwhelms me, feels unfair, takes advantage of me or pisses me off.
I’ve permitted myself to spend as many hours as I need to fine-tune my vision for how I want to live going forward.
If the midlife and menopausal stages are a time of renovation in my life, then I deserve to design the rebuild that’s exactly right for me.
Being audacious.
I’ve claimed this stage as my time to unleash my fullness.
To be audacious.
To pay attention to what’s been missing.
To finally say “No more of this.”
To voice what I want now.
To birth new dreams and desires.
To express who I truly am.
It is my time to roar loudly and often.
I get to be first in line. No more waiting at the back quietly hoping to be heard or considered.
I get to be served first. No more serving everyone and making do with the scraps, I get to serve myself.
I am prioritized in my own calendar. No more feeling out of breath and without energy to take time for myself and what’s important to me.
No, it doesn’t feel self-righteous or selfish to be clear about what I am and am not willing to accept.
The more authentic and upfront I can be about who I am, the parts of me that deserve time and attention, and the desires I want to experience, the more fulfilled and satisfied I am with my life.
This is important because when I show up as the more fulfilled and satisfied version of myself, I have a greater capacity for empathy, optimism, creativity, productivity, inspiration, and generosity.
When I am at my fullest, I am spilling over with ‘more and better’ that I get to share with others.
I’ve never felt this level of unfiltered freedom before.
I’m more sure of myself, what I want and what I have to offer than ever before.
It’s your turn.
Midlife and menopause are crucial and powerful times in a woman’s life.
It’s the reason I’ve shifted my work to focus on midlife women, to support them through this formidable transition in their lives.
It is an exceptional time when we are forced to pay attention to ourselves.
We are compelled to rewrite our identities.
We must adjust, accommodate and embrace who we are now.
Don’t let the magnitude of what feels like a life crisis go to waste.
Use it to become who you’ve always wanted to be.
It’s your turn now. xo
Photo by Darius Bashar
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There is always one part of your posts that stands out for me. In this post it is:
“The more authentic and upfront I can be about who I am, the parts of me that deserve time and attention, and the desires I want to experience, the more fulfilled and satisfied I am with my life.”
Your words are powerful, Lisa.