You Don’t Need to Push Harder
Why resilience isn’t about doing more, but about supporting yourself differently.
The other side of resilience.
Most of us believe resilience is the ability to bounce back from hardships, but that is only part of the definition. Life intentionally includes struggles, responsibilities, and even suffering to build our resilience. While we can’t control what Life heaps on us, we can influence how we support ourselves as we respond to it.
A resilience practice is not often discussed. In fact, this may be the first time you’ve heard about it. I’ve been honing this practice for some years now. What’s interesting to me is that, when I look back on my childhood, I can see I had a natural intuition that supported my resilience.
Children have this innate ability to stay in the moment, to say what’s on their minds, to ask for exactly what they want, to express themselves fully, and, for the most part, to be unhampered by what others think of them. That is the other side of resiliency.
As we grow into adulthood, we tend to lose touch with our resilient intuition and develop a habit of ignoring it. We push away the very thing meant to sustain us through Life’s trials and stressors. We can see this in overwhelm, burnout, anxiety and depression; it’s when our coping mechanisms are not regulated. The good news is that we can return to what was built into us at birth; we can reset our systems so they come back online and serve us again.
Don’t abandon myself.
My definition of resilience has always been about how well I respond to what Life throws at me.
I don’t mean how many punches I can take and keep going.
I mean, how well I have maintained myself so that when Life becomes tumultuous, my foundation remains unshaken. How well I stay true to my values and character versus succumbing to demands placed on me or the pressure I feel in the circumstances.
It means understanding who I am, what I need, and what feels right for me before engaging in any situation.
It involves being clear about my intentions and aligning my decisions and actions with them.
It requires clear boundaries, a dedicated practice of self-care, and a commitment to always pour from a full cup.
It is easy to feel swallowed up in a chaotic world.
Life can be tough at times, and I’ve come to understand the importance of not abandoning myself while supporting the cause at hand.
In the past, I have been consumed by challenges. Looking back, I wonder how I managed to get through them, especially since I neglected so much of myself in the process. I have now learned lessons that help me stay aligned with my values and prioritize my best interests, so I can show up fully when I am needed.
Today, when I face challenges, I honour the daily practices that keep me grounded and healthy because I now know they are more vital than ever during turbulent times.
Am I resourced?
Have you ever been so fixated on a specific outcome or a decision that had to be your way? A moment when you truly dug in your heels and insisted on how things would be, even though a part of you recognized there could have been other considerations.
Yeah, I’ve been there too.
When I look back at those times, I can acknowledge that ‘my way’ was not the only way. I realize now that I was afraid things wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted, or what it would mean if it wasn’t my decision.
I see now that I didn’t have control of myself in that moment and was, therefore, trying to control everything and everyone around me.
When I’m honest with myself, I can admit that I lacked the physical and emotional resources to feel secure in my self-esteem or what I was contributing to the situation. I wasn’t resourced enough to be objective, curious about possibilities, or generous enough to share the responsibilities with others.
Now, when I feel like I’m caught in a storm, I first check in to see how I’m doing. What do I need to sustain myself as I prepare to move through the situation before me? What is my responsibility? Who can help me? I can’t control what’s happening, but I can find the best way to respond.
Resilience isn’t about what is happening around me; it’s about how resourced I am to handle it.
Time to thrive.
For a long while, I felt like I was missing something. I had the feeling like it’s right under my nose, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was on top of my game in many ways, but still felt exhausted trying to keep up, as if I didn’t have enough gas in the tank to go the distance.
I was doing many things right: I knew my purpose, my mindset was spot on, I was eating well and sleeping better, and I had adequate ‘me time’. So what was missing? It turns out my physical activity was too limited to sustain me. Last year, I committed to a twelve-month plan to improve my physical health and enlisted skilled practitioners to support and guide me.
This year, I’ve ramped it up a notch, and I’ve never felt better, happier or more like myself. I finally figured out the trifecta that works for me.
As it turns out, it’s a teachable framework that will work for anybody!
The physical component is just as important as the work on mindset, emotional regulation, and goal-setting.
When this trifecta is practiced, I do well. I show up fully, my fire is a blaze, I feel grounded, my mind is clear, and I am ready to take on the world.
When I abandon any of the tenets, I feel restrained, as if Life is a struggle I won’t soon win, and I withdraw from everyone.
Resiliency trifecta: Physical Health + Self Awareness + Future Vision.
It’s a three-legged foundation that will fall over if one leg is missing or coming up short.
You’ve heard of the trifecta of body, mind, and spirit. It’s something many women believe they understand. Yet, it is rarely a practice we genuinely take seriously and fully commit to.
Not because we are intentionally careless with ourselves. It simply wasn’t something we were ever taught through our adult years. It isn’t something that has been practiced and passed down to us over many generations. So, of course, we struggle with it. Starting self-care can feel riddled with guilt, uncomfortable, and even impermissible, depending on what was modelled for us growing up.
Once I understood this, there was no ignoring it. For many years, I’ve worked on releasing the programming of past generations, so I can truly understand who I am, figure out how I am wired, and discover what it takes for me to feel optimal again. This has helped me learn how to move from survival to thriving. Most importantly, I’ve learned how to consistently maintain it to stay well within a flourishing state day to day.
Knowing isn’t enough. Embodying is what matters.
Becoming the woman who does what is right for herself and supports herself, regardless of others’ opinions or the chaos around her, is what shifts her from merely living to living fully.
My resilience requires my full commitment to supporting my own needs first.
Only then do I have enough fire for myself and others without risking burning out.
To be transparent, the commitment took time to root. I did struggle to carve out time for myself, but I kept at it because my truth was that if I didn’t make the necessary changes now, I couldn’t see a time when I ever would.
There is always something or someone needing my attention, and since it seemed like that was never going to change, I had to change. My identity, my beliefs, and my commitment to myself needed to change so that the world around me could change as well. Eventually, committing to self-care was no longer a struggle.
If I kept doing the same things I’ve always done, then I’d keep getting the same results I’ve always gotten. Something had to change for change to happen. It wasn’t easy to accept that I was the one who needed to change; that I had to take control of myself, my choices and actions, and to kick my own ass, but I’m glad I did.
From that state of resiliency, I could finally build a thriving life for myself.
Resilience is the key.
I recently had lunch with an industry friend, and when I told her I was getting certified as a Resiliency Coach, she sarcastically said, “Why, because you can’t already write the book on this?!” I smiled and acknowledged her point.
For me, being specifically certified in resiliency meant feeling validated in my qualifications to do this work, having the opportunity to learn beyond what I already knew and practised, and being inspired by the coaches in my cohort, who share the same intentions and commitments to guiding others to grow in meaningful ways.
A few key lessons I gained from my certification included a broader understanding and application of resilience, realizing that the tenets that have supported my greatest accomplishments all fall under the umbrella of Resilience. For me, the lightbulb also went on about the significance of physical health for emotional and mental well-being, and about game-changing microhabits that can enhance my physical health routine. These were the insights my mind and heart had been seeking, and I found them through The Leadership Wellness Group program.
The Resiliency trifecta: Physical Health + Self-Awareness + Future Vision originated from my work in the resilience coaching certification. It brought together everything I knew and believed in within a simple and powerful framework.
For me, resilience has become a way to regulate rather than react. It is a way to support myself and my nervous system, and remain aligned with my values, my identity, and my vision of the Life I want.
This is the work I’ve been doing and love to do. The purpose of my work has always been to help others “transform life’s challenges into opportunities for greatness”. As it turns out, resilience is the key.
Embracing a new kind of resilience.
I find that reflection provides me with valuable new perspectives that help me grow in exceptional ways and also creates something I can share with others.
Here’s what I’m reflecting on now…
What I admire most about deeply embracing a resilience practice is that it doesn’t require us to push harder. Instead, it invites us to soften into the present moment. It encourages us to pause, notice, and become aware of what already is and what is needed. It creates space to redirect our attention and effort inward. Resilience allows us to be honest about our needs and wants, and invites us to step into a space that is generous and compassionate towards ourselves. That is how we can pour into others from our full cup.
If you’ve always thought of resilience as just “toughening it out,” I invite you to consider a kinder version of resilience to embrace moving forward.
Honest, gentle care can nurture an undiscovered, powerful, resilient you.
Photo by Darius Bashar
If what I share connects with you, I invite you to book a call to learn about working with me. This could be the start of something special.
Interested in Resilience Coaching?
The coaching world is somewhat like a wild kingdom. It is a fast-growing part of the wellness industry that lacks a formal college governing body, unlike therapy.
Nevertheless, organizations like ICF believe that “Coaching is an unstoppable force for good — one that transforms lives, empowers individuals, and creates lasting, positive change. However, to truly unleash this power, it must be guided by clear principles and vision.” And ICF has been doing so for 30 years!
Every reputable coach offers a lifetime of valuable skills and expertise, along with their area of study or training, to meet their clients’ needs in a specific field of growth and transformation.
In my opinion, regardless of area of expertise, every coach can benefit from a Resiliency Certification to enhance the important work they do with their clients.
The Leadership Wellness Group offers an ICF-accredited Certified Resilience Coaching Program.
Enjoyed this post? Please Like, Share, or Comment below. xo
Wise and helpful insights Lisa. In particular, understanding what resilient intuition is, being resourced enough by adopting the trifecta you write about and embodying it. Looking forward to more articles and your insights and guidance.